Break my heart

You hold my heart in your hand.
Suddenly a crash is heard.
The little pieces fall to the ground.
Your hand remains unscathed.

My life crumbles around me.
The reality falling apart.
I am lost, forever searching.
It is missing.

Give me back the shards you kept.
For I cannot find them.
Lost they are deep in your net.
This is the chasm I never leaped.

Final bliss

The only thing that brings me bliss,
that one single beautiful kiss,
just one experience away,
but there will it forever stay.

Her lips are so bright,
so full of delight.
Yet I shall never partake,
only just before I wake.

The beautiful noose,
hanging above my head,
shining and a bit loose,
do not feel sad.

This will be forever, 
I am, oh, so  clever,
yet my reason all,
cannot stop this fall.

My throat slowly closes,
look at the beautiful roses.
They shine bright above the casket,
awaiting their final place in the basket.

Ramble forward, live to end time.

I walk on the wrong side of things. Forever in the dark. Lost from sight. Forgotten before I am ever seen. The thoughts of my friends think never revolve around me. I am forever lost and never remembered.

Of people plenty have seen me.
Of men many have been free.
But none have ever thought of the sea.
Never have they felt the decree.

I shall not ever disclose my own reality to anyone, lest I start a chain reaction that should bring the world to a quick end. One not one person has ever foreseen. It would be as strange as this story may seem to you. But this can go on no longer. The burden placed upon me has been to great for too long. And the choices I have made wrong to a degree at which there is no right anymore.

I have been entrusted with the safeguard of this planet. The main race being the humans. I was to oversee their development and stop any cataclysmic event from happening. I am more than able to change anything in this solar system, this includes any and all movements in it. The countless times I have saved it I cannot remember anymore. But this has brought so much pain onto me, it is not bearable anymore. The love I have for this species has grown, to the point at which only absolute annihilation seems a choice anymore.

I wish for your swift and untimely demise. I do not wish to see you suffer such a mediocre and never ending spiral towards the rock bottom you shall reach. I wish only to break free of my bonds and destroy you all. Give you sweet freedom of all that defines you, remove all your limits.

Oh how you love your limits so. Never understanding that there is no task too big. No wish too strong. No life is wrong. And you forever impose limits on yourselves. Giving up is your undying wish. Your only solace in the impossibility of your own existence.

My ramblings shall cease now. Enjoy your last millenia, for as they fly by, I shall be the untimely demise for you all and I shall join you in the sweet ending to this preposterous life-cycle.

You

My heart will burst out,
I feel the final shout,
that is flying out my chest,
ready to take with it the rest.

I have given up on life,
never will I get the perfect wife.
She is not for me to have,
I can no longer feel "Le Rêve".

The dream is all but gone,
I can hear the final tone.
It brings the end to me,
makes me love whatever may be.

I look for your forever love,
for only that and all above.
I cannot give up the only heart,
I cannot again from zero start.

There is just one option for me.
And it is for you only to see.

Transformation

My hearts desires are breaking out,
the fires of the feelings running about.
The fractures spiral out,
enveloping my final shout.

The break begins to shine,
there is a light, so sublime.
Forever shall the butterfly
bring the love and never die.

I come to earth to release my love,
I bring it to all the creatures from below and above.
I can feel my life springing up,
enveloping the world in a beautiful wrap.

There a soft calming pulses coming from below,
it can be felt all around, feel it grow.
It’s changing ourselves, giving up hate,
do not fret, for it will never be too late.

Give to all

Like a black hole in reverse,
I can feel myself disperse.
Move out throughout the space,
as if competing in a race.
Devising a cunning plan,
to spread the love to the limit.
Join the open clan,
never again be timid.

I feel the warm embrace,
softer than the softest lace.
It gives me hope,
it give me life,
I cannot mope,
can’t feel no strife.

My body slowly glows,
getting rid of the lows.
I just feel so high,
will never stop to die.

Giving all that I have,
receiving the incoming rave.
The energy ever flowing,
we become all knowing.

End of life

I deserve to die
I cannot tell this lie
I have to keep myself
away from the oh so real elf.

She keeps me half awake,
with not one single kiss to take.
My heart simply shakes
at the thought of you awake.

I can hardly live like this,
thinking of all I miss.
The softest touch,
I do not ask for much.

Give the end to me,
just please let me be.
I am so thoroughly normal,
please stop being so formal.

Hurt

I’m building myself up for all to see
breaking the speed of light
coming to the end of the night
hurting to the power of three.


The wall at which I am pointed
erected by the anointed
will be the end of my line
for I will never be thine.


I dip my heart in the sea of cold
and for all the truth to be told
I feel like the hammer is reaching in
ridding me of this awful sin.


The last of the forceful desires,
the last of the incessantly burning fires.
I can feel my heart being broken
please take it as a final token
of my love that had finally awoken.

The wall that separates us is unending

I walk towards the light.
It shines so bright.
My life seems so lost
I wish to remedy the cost.

The ones on the side other,
they do not see their lost brother.
I wish for my life to end.
But the light I still cannot bend.

Relegated to continued exile,
I wish for the unnerving smile.
The one who can give it to me,
separated by a wall
has finally taken the fall
cross the wall, come be.

The guards are smiling,
they cannot hear the filing.
The rasping noise from below the floors,
the people trying to break down the doors.

“Attack is imminent” blares the small tube,
the guards scramble for the safety of the cube.
They close themselves in,
but the patience is wearing thin.

I see the new lord,
changing the cord.
There will be hangings,
lost in the happy endings.

The doors are broken,
the beast has awoken.
A new revolution,
bloody solution.

To a problem that bends
as society ends.
The seal it is broken,
our lord has now spoken.

The change it is rotten,
it will soon be forgotten.
The walls stand erect,
not showing the inner defect.

Chains do reform,
revolutions are the norm.
We lost long ago,
the end is at hand,
as Edgar Allan Poe,
makes his last stand.

Inspired by “Worth enough”

Hard hit, left a bit

The night is at last,
falling away.
I hear it go past,
not going to stay.

I feel deep regret
at not being the way.
Not filling the bet,
just staying away.

I feel deep remorse
dropped off my high horse.
Disappointed to see,
that the bad can be me.

I am sorry I feel,
this love that's so real.
It is hard to understand,
I wish it would bend,
but it can only break,
so please my apology take.

Move

As I feel the breeze,
oh what a tease.
I feel the brush of air,
moving from here to there.

The sound of the move,
I feel so in the groove.
The strength as it flows,
inexorably shows,
the effect of traction,
the moving reaction.


This breeze in my hair,
I cannot despair,
as the miles go by,
I see the blue of the sky.


A cloud looks at me
what does it see?
A blur of movement,
moving towards
constant improvement
at a loss for words.

Lost a tree, seen and been free.

The dark night screams without
within you there is the fearless shout.
It tells you to jump
makes the outside seem like a dump.

I stroke the thought in the mind
how simple it is to find.
The freedom of the little man
holding the unkempt lost hen.

An egg so tiny it can barely be seen
The world revolves around what has been.
The night light envelops me
makes the day seem like an empty tree.

The core shows a flaw, deep and dark,
but I can still see hope in the young bark.
It looks without with nary a grin,
these are the days when I know there's no sin.

No loss is as great
as the feeling of hate.
Make me feel free
fill up the tree.
Show them all
the ultimate fall.

Zvezdi noči moje

Misli odhajajo na rob
argumenti ostajajo brez zob
noge vodijo me onkraj
izgubljam se, kje je sedaj?

Vidim ju sedaj
zvezdi spominjata me
tu je ta kraj
tu sanje vzplamte.

Želje so vse izgubljene
pogledi brišejo pomene
in ljubezen izginja iz mene.

Kaj bi mogel?
Kaj želel?
Ko si toliko že imel?
Ko toliko si že vzel?

Na! Še ti sedaj
trpi in išči svoj kraj.
Tvoje sanje ne nosijo te
le pograbijo tvoje roke.

Konec tvojih sedaj bo skrbi
samo preštej en, dva, tri.
Prebudi se in poglej
tu je rešitev zdej.

Prepusti se
Sanjaj še
In poglej v tisti dve
zvezdi ki začarali sta te.

Na koncu pa veš
kako srce lahko poje.

Konci življenja, začetki šelestenja.

Borim se proti mlinom na veter,
počutim se kot da vdihujem eter.

S bližnjega hriba se mi Sancho smeji,
Don Quixote si brke vlaži.
Ne vem kaj narediti,
Konja v dir spustiti?

Naj udarim z močjo?
Naj zapojem slovo?
Izgubljena pravica,
a to ni resnica.

Kje skriva se tisti,
ki me uničuje do obisti?
Kje skriva se ta,
Ki me še ne pozna?

Kje mose so želje,
le kje je veselje?
Kje vsi so se skrili,
ali so me pokrili?

Verjamem v sanje,
prijatelj pravi:
Kaj ti mar zanje?
Verjami naravi.

Razlogi so mnogi,
zakaj iščeš mesto Gogi.
Prehodiš mnogo milj,
vse ima cilj.

A življenje je prazno,
Izgbljeno in blazno.
Tvoje želje zares,
peljejo na ples.

Ta ples mnogih duš,
ki vodi te pod hladen tuš.
Pokaže ti prepad,
izgubiš še teh par naslad.

Želim si življenje,
ne moti me trpljenje,
svet lep je kot zdaj,
saj pride spet raj.

The mobster

He could move with much grace. It seems he has come thus far by being prepared and careful. His body is also in its prime. He is fit and has great reflexes, obviously a winner in the neverending game of evolution.

It seems my choice has been right. I should be able to take the Old One in little to no time. I should be ready soon and with this strength there should be no problems in dealing with the opposition he might amass before I reach him. He will pay for what he did to me, but mostly what he did to my lover. He even made me forget his name so he would be able to control me. I know it is still there, but I cannot reach it. I will know the name of the man I mourn some day.

I will make sure he will hurt nobody else. He will mourn the day he was born when I will finish with him.

What is this? Why am I so cocky, while he has been living for centuries I am just a newly made One. I am barely able to move and take over, yet here I am planning how to destroy my creator. He might as well be the only other One in the world, yet there is no doubt in my mind. My wish for his death is stronger than any feeling I have ever felt.

This anger, this seething rage. It is so hard to control. I just want to run directly to the hideout where he keeps Mark and destroy him forever. But I cannot allow for that. I must plan my attack. I must not go alone. I have a Family behind me now. I can muster much more strength than I have ever before.

I arrive to the meeting place. Two thugs are guarding the entrance to the strip club that is in front of me. "The dancing camel",  what a name. I brush off the two gorillas in front and enter, knowing full well that meeting a fellow Boss would mean friction and a chance to die. The counsellors have been speaking against it, but there is just such a strong need to solve the current issues that I had to do it anyway.

He is sitting at his favorite table, watching a couple of girls spinning on a pole, while another plays with some toys on a stool center stage. It is quite a show, and had it not been for the years with him, I would have felt at least slightly embarrased. The feeling is lost on me now.

Flesh is just one small part of life as I now know. My life has transcended it, I need it no more.

I sit opposite to the boss who tells the two henchmen by his side to beat it. It seems he is indeed in a mood to talk. Even though I am here unarmed he knows that attacking me now would probably mean suicide. What he does not know is that I am indeed not Clean Mike, but indeed another hiding in his body.

He begins talking about inconsequential things, but these must be said so we reach the time and atmosphere for a  bargain. He keeps talking about past girls he has had in his grip.

Then he tells me one of the stories from his childhood:

"I was young and had a bright future as the heir to the Maciolotta family. "

He was on his way to school one day when he was abducted and taken to a remote location, from where the thugs were planning on demanding a ransom for his life. They obviously did not know the Maciolotta family. They were taken down a notch as soon as he got free of his bonds. They thought of him as a little boy who could never fight back, how wrong they were.

It was not long before he tore them up and returned home. He remembers their screams and pleads to this day. He has always been the soft one of the family.

The Maciolottas were trained to be excellent killers from the day they turned three. It didn't matter should they be male or female, they had to know how to survive. The ones who didn't died soon enough in the training.

So this was Antonio, the outcast. He was thrown from the family for failing to kill his own brother. My father inherited the family as a consequence. Antonio went on to create his own little empire which was of some help from time to time.

A stronger alliance with him was in the talks. My father trusted him with his life when he was alive. Now I will trust him as my father once had.

Stop. Now. I'm not him. I must never forget that I am not the person I posess. I am myself. There is no other. I am me. A woman in a male body, nothing else.

I continue the debate, calculating all the while in my head the amout of time it will take me to assemble the whole family and prepare for an attack on Mark. I cannot forget him. He must pay the price for the pain I have experienced.

This was a good choice, he is young and strong. He comes from a family with strong ties and he has all the firepower I need. This should be over soon.

The killer

Let me explain myself first. I have been away from myself for a time. This story has been brewing in me for some time. I have been unable to commit it to paper as it has seemed too much for a long time. But the loss is mine if I give up. So I have to show it to all. Myself the most. I hope you enjoy it. But a word of warning: it is not finished. I will hopefully add onto it in time. But for now... This is what you get:

The dreams live on. I forget them, but they change, they give new meaning to themselves. I can still see her in my dreams. The angel of light, the maiden of love, the champion of truth. My dear Iliria.

Strangely the only pleasure I have been able to experience lately stems from the torture of this soul that has been trapped within me. This sweet torture I am able to impart on this poor result of so many mistakes. She has felt love enough, and her lover lives still. As a matter of fact, her old body is married to him. And as far as I know he loves "her". I do visit from time to time. I enjoy her pain as I look at her old life. I enjoy the torture.

I am not a bad person. I am the worst person. I keep on going even after all these years.

Mark

Losing her was the most pain I have ever felt, my heart being ripped from my chest, still feeling it beating in her hand, still feeling her warmth. Still feeling happy as she mangles me. But that was not the end. I would not go. And so he came. He was perfect. Lost in a world of pain, his only wish was death. As he was passing I reached out to him and offered my place. My dying frame in it's last painful breaths. He took it happily and that is how I ended up being Mark. My original name has been lost to the ages long ago. I have changed as many names as a snake has skins.

Immortal? Oh no, I am not immortal. I am a parasite. I enjoy the death of each and every one of my victims. I help them from time to time, until I grow tired of them that is. Then they pay for it.

Taking Julie

She was one of them, she didn't have the guts to ask him, to approach him. So I saw the need when I first met her. She reached out to me, unknowingly. I answered, she panicked, calmed down and then asked me to do it. She would pay for it in time.

I took her over, leaving a little of myself in Mark, just enough so no-one would know I'm gone. I ravaged her memories first, I needed them to accomplish what was wanted. I saw her lost loves, the pain in her heart. I knew her better than she knew herself. And I liked her. I liked her better than most others. I wanted her, for myself, and I would have her.

Julie. That was her name, that was her soul's name. And now the name is no more. The little of her I left in the old body is enough for him not to notice, but she will stay with me. I have much to teach her. We now both live in Mark, in this husk that was once on the way to destruction. She hates me for now, but she will learn. I will teach her how to move as I do. Take over.

Do to others what I did to her. The sweet pain that comes from it will drive her mad, as it did so many times before. We have all gone mad, none of us stays the same.

I will move away now. The suffering is becoming unbearable lately. She must not be subjected to it anymore. It is time. I have to take it.

I go into the house. I see the body of Julie moving around. Enjoying itself. So I take her into it with me. I feel her lover's touch, I know she can feel it too. Not expecting it she starts enjoying herself. She loves it so much I can feel the warmth from her. I can feel her love for him. But it is not enough, the bill must be paid, the thirst must be quenched. I plunge her right hand into his chest. He feels the pain I have felt as I take out the heart that was pumping his blood just seconds ago. He looks at me not really comprehending what is going on, but he still sees me plunge her other hand in her own body and take out the heart. Mashing them together I create the final ending to the love that was once there.

I enjoy the death as it engulfs us but I know I cannot stay. So I yank Julie free of the body and take her back to Mark. I can feel her pain. I see her running away from me. She is afraid. Hiding in a corner. Not showing herself. But I can still feel her. Compassion? I lost it long ago. Now she will be mine and mine only.

Agent John Corner

Arrived at the scene at 21:43. The blood and gore in the room is still steaming. We were called by the roommate that came home at around 21:20. The scene itself is disturbing. It looks like there was a change of heart during the intercourse, literally. The hearts of the victims are squeezed together in the woman's hand. The man's face is contorted with pain, while the woman seems incredibly happy. She has enjoyed the death it seems.

Preliminary report:

No external activity detected on the scene, the only fingerprints in the room were of the victims, there is not a spec of dust out of place. The roommate is clean and there are no other blood stains in the whole condo. This one should be treated as a murder / suicide. I still have some qualms about it and am especially curious as to how she was able to do it, but there seems to be no evidence of another person.

Case closed.

Suffering

I am walking down the road, she's still screaming inside. She will not stop the harassment she has been subjecting me to lately. I must say I am growing tired of her. The last three years have been interesting, but she still will not leave me alone. I cannot make her go and this pains me.

There seems to be no other choice. I will have to lock her down in some body and destroy it. This cannot go on, she was the same as all the others. I could not tolerate them either. They all become too much in time.

Is it so sad that these days I cannot find a mate that would be suitable to me. They all run away or turn away and never come back. I have had to do it too many times. Too many of them have had to die. I wonder if there is something wrong with the world? Is the whole world insane?

Nice, a couple walking by just at the right time. I wonder, could I recreate it exactly as it was last time? Could I have her squeeze the hearts together?

I take over the woman, dragging the one who was once called Julie right behind me. The woman is offering some resistance, unknowing that in doing so the suffering will only be stronger. I drink in her memories, revel in the loves she has experienced, I see all her lovers rolled into one, I feel all her orgasms in myself and I lose my strength for a second as I experience complete and absolute bliss. I feel a pair of hands on my neck. The boyfriend is strangling me, but why? What is he doing? Why is he trying to kill his lover?

I feel myself losing the ability to think. I can feel her slowly dying, gasping for breath. I have to move soon or I will die. I look for Julie, but she's gone. She's gone! Where the hell is she? Did she pull back into the husk?

I find myself back in Mark. She's not here. I cannot find her anywhere. The panic I feel is something I have not known in centuries. I can feel my heart tremble as I think of the options I have to save myself. She knows where I am and now that she's free she will gain power fast. The first possession is the critical one. The first possession... She was the one who was strangling me. She moved while I was experiencing the woman. She moved into the boyfriend and decided to kill me. Oh, she has learned fast indeed. In the three years of suffering she experienced under me.

She will pay for the affront. I will have to take her down. Oh the excitement. It has been so long since I last had an opponent. She has completely won for now. But now, now the times will get interesting.

Julie

Taking over the man had been a pain. I didn't know how to use him at all. And I can feel him attacking me and trying to hurt me. I felt the Old One moving from the body of the girl and started reviving her as soon as he did. She is breathing now and I will have to explain to them how I saved them, but the man is already starting to accept my stroking. He is feeling better, especially since he has seen me save her.

Changing the course of the Old One's memories has proved to be a challenge, but moving from the background I was shortly able to move some small and insignificant parts around, just enough so I could find a couple of seconds to move.

The resistance at first was unbelievable  but I was able to take him over quickly, especially since I decided to overlook his memories and only use him. She is gaining consciousness. I should move to her so I can explain it. He will understand. 

"Please understand me, do not be angry. I am going to explain it to her."

Moving into her I can feel the pain in her throat. I can feel her dizziness. But I only  move in, taking her over again would make her feel too much pain. I stroke her slowly and try to get her attention in a nice way. She has to understand what I am doing before I do it. She should not recoil from me.

"Hello."

She will be silent for some time I expect.

"Hello."

I can feel her responding to my thoughts. I have to explain to her.

"You were possessed, taken over by an Old One. He has been in this world for centuries and has no qualms about killing. I had to attack you so I could save myself. He has killed my body and taken me hostage. I was in you when he attacked, but I had to move to your boyfriend to attack you. Simone is it? I'm really sorry Simone. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I had to make him leave."

A little nod from her soul, but I can still feel her fear. I can still see her pain.

"I will have to move on. Could you please let me take your boy, Timothy was it? I need to move to a different place. I need a new body. And you will have to stay hidden for a while. Don't walk around too much, he choses his victims that way."

Another nod.

I move to the boy. And I explain to him what I told her. In the meantime she tries to speak to him, but I put a hand over her mouth. No time for distractions. We have to move. He doesn't want to leave her so soon. He want to comfort her. But I have to go. He has to understand my need to move. We're all in danger if this goes on.

We exit the house, I slowly look around and see him nowhere. I expect he will stay in the old husk for some time now as he's planning his attack. I start moving towards the main square of the city. I need to find a crowd. It will be much easier to take someone there, someone I can really use. Someone as strong as Mark. As soon as he sees where I want to go, Timothy takes over and leaves me to my thoughts. I need to plan this. Or he will kill me and no one will never know about it.

We arrive into the center of town in about 15 minutes. I can see a crowd close by, and there are many people about. I listen for interesting information. I look for a bad person to take. And there he is. Powerful, in the prime of his life and a lowlife. I want him. He will be perfect. He can take Mark.

I say goodbye to Tim and start my preparations. I look into the mafioso's eyes and I see no remorse, no regret. Like a hungry lion I pounce. He doesn't know what hit him. He's mine. No one can save him now.  I can feel him reeling inside. I can feel his pain. His suffering. I can feel his repentance. He thinks of me as god, taking over his soul to destroy it. That might prove to be to my advantage. I should culture that feeling. I show him pictures of lightning. He can see people dying in the holy flames. He surrenders himself to me. I can feel the power in my hands. I can feel the knowledge he had flowing into me. Slowly I take over the last of him. He slowly exhales his last breath and closes himself into a little box at the bottom of himself. There will be no more resistance from him.

I have to move on. He has a meeting in five minutes which I have to attend. Otherwise there will be suspicion. I have to be him to the absolute.

The Old One

This body can still serve me for a time still. But she will find someone stronger, not knowing that the strength comes from  within and not from the outside. She still has much to learn. But the way I have been pushing here she will learn it fast, or die.

Enough time has passed. I need to hide myself from her for now and find a couple of backups. I cannot count only on Mark now, not anymore. The  more bodies I posses, the weaker each gets, but I cannot leave it to chance now. She is out to get me, and who can blame her. I made her go through her own personal hell in the three years she has been with me. Oh the sweet feeling of pain of another. What beauty.

She will go look for a strong one in a crowd. I need to find someone she would never take. I can see what to do as it is. I need an orphanage. There I will find an unlucky foundling who has been hit too many times by life, whom the cruel mistress has taken and tortured his whole life. He will seek a solution and no-one will help him with the exception of me. He will embrace oblivion as I take him over and enjoy the youth he has to offer.

The only orphanage around here is an old and decrepit building that has seen too many storms and not enough repair crews, ideal for my purposes. I see a strong and well grown kid, about the age of 17. No-one ever accepted him as he was too damaged. But I will accept him, as he will accept me. We will be one and he will be no more.

I slowly move closer to him and see the sadness in his eyes. The feelings I crave so much he has, so I take them. I dive deep into his soul, drink it up and enjoy the pain he has felt. He feels my intrusion but does nothing to prevent it. He begins to enjoy it and just gives it all up. He gives himself to me.

As soon as it's over I can feel he is gone forever and I feel a small part of me is very happy, no doubt the part he left in me to live forever.

I leave a small part of myself in him and move on into Mark. I need some more backups. I need to survive. Never leave anything to chance. That is what I promised myself after Iliria. Death was so near sometimes.

To be continued.