Monday, November 30, 2009


I feel as if I have waited. For years to feel this feeling. THis gfeeling that has no meaning.

My life seems as an empty husk, lost to all, to everything. to us, to you.

I feel like my love has come and gone, my only options and possibility lost to all the time that has passed. My youth seems of no consequence, I am a lost soul, devoid of solutions. I wish for death. I seek it. And yet it doth not come. I shall look for it for eternity, as I am one of the undying brethren. I do wish for death now that love seems to have deserted me. Now is the time to die. Embrace the nothingness that is there. Look at the nothing and enjoy the one feeling there is left. Uselessness. I wish it would take me at last.

I die, slowly, painfully. And this life is over.

I wake up. The world around me is an unknown, I have no knowledge of it. I can see it does not deviate much from the old one. Suffering can be had for no charge. It is easy to live a life of angst. And so I am unable to see any difference at first. But in time it hits me. We change worlds, but the only thing that changes is luck. It was easy in one, while it is hard in the other. I feel the foolishness now. It puts it all into perspective. I have been a lowlife until now. Pay me and let me live, but do not ask anything of me.

Suffer, feel pain, but do not ask love of me. I have decided. God shall not live anymore. For he is too evil to exist.

So I endeavor to kill my own creator. And of his own volition only may I ever succeed.

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