Sunday, September 13, 2009


As the world collapses around you, the only thing that you still see is yourself. Trapped between life and death you struggle and try to free yourself from a fate that is as inevitable as it is cruel. You feel your heart being squeezed by those last few wishes you now know will go unfulfilled forever and you feel regret. Regret that you did not do it all, you regret losing your first love, you regret the desperate things you did to keep yourself the same.

The times change, people go away. You still keep on dying slowly inside, full of regrets, full of wishes, seeing the end come closer and closer to squeezing the last drop out of your chest.

You see the eyes that beckon to you, they wish you would join them. She smiles at you and you feel the pain slacken, you feel the leash tighten as you jump and try to save yourself by grasping at that straw that she represents. And then it is taken. You feel as your fate has never been as cruel, the pain redoubles, you loose control the only wish being to free yourself of the pain. To choose death instead of suffering. You're prepared to jump into the last cowardly action of your life, and in turn take it yourself.

But as you think you have come to the end, as destruction looms over you, as it reaches out the fingers made of bone and hate, of tendons and pain, of cartilage and suffering, the realization dawns on you. You do not wish to be a coward, you wish for a life that changes the bounds of what you are and the what the world thinks, it blurs the vision of a clear early morning as the clouds that were far now clouding your judgement are thinning and loosing control.

You decide for the life, which while still painful does not seem as pointless, you go through the days and see the nights, the stars show you love, the moon shows compassion. I cannot do differently but feel my passion.

The sword on my throat
the shield on my breast
the weight on my chest.

I feel so confined
the fate she divined
has fallen on me
broken the live
burned the tree.

The twilight it comes
with warriors and drones
it charges at me
makes me not be.

I wish for a night
full of love, of delight,
but the powers that be
cannot let me be.

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