Sunday, February 22, 2009


I wonder if there is such a thing as stage fright if you write a blog.

I don't really know if these posts will convey what I want to say. What If I am misunderstood, what if I loose someone because of this? This doesn't seem to be a problem when I speak to people, I can understand what they feel (up to a point) and act accordingly. But here I write out my thoughts and people read it, or maybe they don't, and I can have no feeling about them, as I don't see them.

It is probably illogical, just like stage fright, but still, it plagues me. Makes me keep drafts I don't feel should be published only because I feel they might be misunderstood, or even worse, show a part of myself that people will not like, a side not even I know about.

The same goes for the other stuff I write, I'm afraid it's not good enough, but honestly, from time to time, I really think: "It can't hurt can it?".

Another maybe:

God only knows

Tried to live the way they ask,
to do the things they wish to see,
not to cry and not to bleed,
not to sigh and not to need.

I am different
I am change
Listen to me and come to blame
blame the one who keeps the change
who takes the life
and gives the age.

Going to and from is all he does
looking at your life like a pack of lies
never believes in you, nor in himself
he lies to you, gives the life he takes.
Gives it to gods, long since forgotten,
to the gods that lie down in the death,
decomposing and rotten.

The new night, given and taken,
makes you think, makes you awaken.
The dreams you dream,
the screams you scream,
as he takes your life
takes it to the field of strife
and breaks it up for the demon's knife.

He never does threaten,
he never does try
he just finds you in the night
and helps you die.

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