Cowardice

She stepped into the room.
He stared, transfixed, lost in the eyes of the beauty before his life.
Lost for all he looked and looked, but dared not see, dared not speak, afraid to end up looking like a freak.

I was always afraid of it. Not talking to them, I can manage that. I was always afraid of trying to ask them out. I keep blaming low self esteem. I keep saying I'm not good looking enough (hey, I might even be right about that, but who knows). But looks ain't everything. Then I think I may be boring, she may not like my thoughts, she might not like my personality.

I always end up shutting up. Not saying it. Well not always... most of the time. There have been times I talked to girls about such stuff of course (having had girlfriends there was no other way anyway). But it's always been a strange moment that made me do it.

I see her, in all her beauty. My mind strays, I feel the bliss coming on, I can feel myself drifting. Losing it. I'm not there anymore. I'm lost, she has me and there's nothing else to do. I can only give in and disappear into myself. My tongue dries up. I forget how to speak. I just want the moment to last forever. I just wish for the bliss to never end. Take me and let me be there for ever, trapped in it. The moment that gives me all and takes all away.

But that gives me nothing. The moment ends, the bliss stays. She moves away. I want it again, but the coward in me says: "Keep the memory, don't destroy it". And I do. I stay. I keep the memory. And remain a coward.

But I say NAY! Times are a changing. And I should be changing too. Move on. Never stay in the same place. Change like you have changed before.

He wished for them to see
the change coming up in me
here comes the tree
blooming for everyone.

The flowers give up
the life we wait for
loving them to death
we go with the rain.

Disconnected

He walked into the room and saw the life. He saw them talking to each other. He decided to join in. They didn't have any problems accepting him. They liked him, they enjoyed talking to him.
He left.
They don't remember who he is.
Just another day in the life of the disconnected man.

Wondering what it feels to be unknown, to not have any connections in the world? Not to exist?
I felt it, even better, I've been it. Waltzing through life and connecting with people, but just for a moment. Then dropping everything and forgetting. Leaving it alone, staying alone and keeping on and on.

Every day was new. New people to meet every single day. You're a ghost walking through the world, never leaving a trace in the minds of all the people you meet. In the end you disappear.

The never-ending story. The story of a lifetime, of the man who disappeared and nobody missed.

That's what I wished for a long time, how I lived my life. Then I was pulled in. People not letting me go. Not going to let me disappear. I saw it then. Being disconnected is only a fantasy, never anything else. People don't forget you easily. You stay there. They remember. They want more.

I gave up.
You know how they say: If you can't beat them, join them!

The days of his life
trembled in his eye.
They were lost
and afraid.
Of being the last
of being too late.

He never forgot
he remained the same
disconnected from all
the reality gone.