Monday, June 15, 2009

From obsession to obsession

Is there anything like an obsessive compulsive obsession disorder?
I'm unable to take stuff with moderation. Do this, but do it obsessively, keep on doing it until you drop, then keep doing it some more. And then, the next big thing, do that, keep on doing it.

I do have stuff I keep doing all the time, but that never comes close to the obsessions I have.

Playing online games used to be one, ditched that one for sports, which does seem like a much better choice to me, but still. Obsessions cannot end well, or can they?
Keep on obsessing about it, you're going to loose something, someone. But what can I do about it? Should I even be thinking about any course of action or is it unneeded?

Meanwhile the days pass and my life is getting on, becoming better, at least from my point of view.

I meet new people, which I enjoy immensely, and to be honest this is probably my oldest obsession, the oldest drug in my repertoire. I feel a rush when I meet new people, I find the thrill incredible.
I feel alive. I come alive. I feel complete.
I keep on talking and talking becuase I want to know all about them.
This does seems oxymoronic, talking like a maniac to get to know people, but it works. It's much harder to fake reactions than to lie. People react instantly to what you say, without checks, without lies.

The more I think about it the more I see I'm addicted to information. I want to know everything, to know it all. To know all people and thus create myself.

Others shape me much as a potter shapes clay, I change, always and forever, I grow, I'm broken, I reform and I continue on and on. An infinite cycle of creation and destruction, much like the universe, stars being born and dying, but on a much grander scale, on the scale of ME.

What we are is what we do. And from my last months it seems I'm a bike going haywire on the Internet talking to twenty people at once while spinning uncontrollably and in a strange undefined direction. All the while listening to all the music I can get my hand on.

Which brings me to my second oldest obsession: Music.
I listen to it, I enjoy it, it shapes my feelings unlike any art there is. It changes me deep inside and makes me shiver. Makes me hope and love, makes me hate and despair. But the feelings are what makes me happy what makes me be, makes me me.

I've been to a concert on Saturday, a friend plays in the group. It was good, I enjoyed it, it's music that moves me. It makes me think of places to be, of people to see (Although I don't understand half of the lyrics, but that isn't as important as feeling the mood). Which is this band? Momento . Check them out, if you want to that is.

I feel obsessed,
she seems depressed
we talk and talk
trying to get it off our chest

I keep on walking
loosing my heart
making the blinds
showing the right sides.

I go from here to there
chaging everywhere
the potter looks at my face
makes it go to a new place

Shaping the feelings deep inside
I seem to hide
the parts of me that break
and change the waterslide.

Always moving
always changing
always hoping,
PS: The blog has been renamed to "Obsession, my true passion"

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